Christopher David - The Name I Never Had
A True Story About Names, Fathers, and the Era We’re Born to Shape
Christopher David Stark. That would have been my name if my biological dad didn't ghost, probably because he was engaged to someone else. He was a door-to-door insurance salesman. That's funny.
Lots of puzzle pieces have slotted into place since I learned (in December) that I'm not genetically related to my dad; I found my bio-dad, but he died in 1996. Separate story.
Privately, and throughout my life, my mom told me that she planned to name me Christopher, and that my middle name would be "after my father," but neither one of my grandmas corroborated that accounting, and my mom got edgy and angry when I tried to bring it up in mixed company (eg: family).
Of course, my name is Roy Kent Dahlgren, and I'm named after the guy I was led to believe is my dad (I'm a junior), but my dad hated it. He frequently said he wished I'd change my name, and told me that his life would have been a lot different if abortion was legal in the 1960's.
So I don't think it was my dad's first wish to be saddled with a kid that came from some other dude, nor do I think it was my mom's favorite plan. Both were / are pretty resentful that I screwed up their lives, not that I had much to do with it.
But over these past nine months it has occurred to me that my mom was telling me about my real dad without just saying it; does that make sense?
And as I rewind, I can recognize this fact, once I normalize her and my family's statements, and their odd context to the revelation that I'm the product of wedlock, (or whatever they called it in that era).
This is of interest to me because I believe that names have meaning, eg: the names our parents give us serve as a reflection of divination not long after we take our first breath.
Indeed, I believe the Greek Orthodox explicitly delay naming children until they've had a chance to discern the proper name; as I recall they call it "name day." I believe that our names serve as an invitation for us to step into a higher calling.
Anyway, Christopher means "bearer of Christ". It's derived from the Greek name Christóforos, which combines "Christos" (Christ) and "phero" (to bear, carry). The name is strongly associated with Saint Christopher, the patron saint of travelers, who, according to legend, carried Jesus across a river.
All aboard!
David is of Hebrew origin and means "beloved" or "beloved one". It comes from the Hebrew word "dod," which means "beloved". The name is famously associated with the biblical figure King David, the second king of Israel.
And Stark means "strong," "firm," or "severe," with origins in the Middle English word stark and the Middle High German word stark, both of which describe someone physically strong, resilient, or unyielding. It is an English, Scottish, and German surname that developed as a nickname for a person with these characteristics.
Lucky for me my folks didn't give me that name, because I'd sound like every other white dude of my generation. Instead, I was named Roy Kent Dahlgren, which roughly translates to: "king at the edge of the green valley."
I tell my kids the "green valley" is not a place, but rather: an era. It's THEIR era, and it's my job to ensure they successfully pass to the other side, which means (as the sovereign at the threshold between two epochs) I am going to hold them to high account.
For example, my eldest son’s name means “helper and healing in the green valley,” and for his entire life I’ve told him that he will likely fulfill that role in the years long after my departure, which has helped the two of us frame our discussions regarding legacy and values.
So I haven't been quite sure how to reconcile this recent revelation regarding my potential name and this biological dad I never knew, but the Stark thing is really landing. I won't change my name, but it's such a wild thing to experience in my late 50's.